commercials

I don't watch much tv, and there's really only one program I tune in to watch each week.

No, not Downton Abbey. No, not Ellen. No, not the Batchelor either. You're getting colder.

Yes, you're absolutely wrong. I watch this show:

And if it ever gets canceled I don't know what I'll do. Probably eat some Disco Bits.
We'll see.

So even though I've got a limited viewing schedule I still manage to get inundated with a plethora of tediously-uninspired advertising that makes me want to writhe in mental anguish.
And within a single hour I'm forced to watch them over and over and over again.

It feels like this:

Let me see...for starters we've got those two ambiguous guys perpetually chained to the parking stall at Sonic. I don't care if one of them did mention having a wife at some point early on, I'm not convinced in the slightest.
And then we've got that Toyota spokeswoman Jan, who's like the Huggybear of the auto industry.
(though I admit anyone trying to sell you a car is likely to invoke the image of Huggybear)
And Subway needs to go away. And Wendys. And I don't plan on buying a cellphone anytime soon.
Or eating at Pizza Hut. Or buying a truck that can haul my space shuttle. Or sampling portable catheters. Or getting my lips/hair volume to plump to the size of grapefruit. Or getting a degree in cat juggling.

And the medication commercials, which more often than not remind me of people I have to deal with in real life.

Meaning, a third of the med commercial states how wonderful the product is and how it will free up your time so that you can play tennis and walk your dog and build igloos and not be afraid of cake, while the other two thirds let you know of all the side effects that will incurr if you get involved,(raised blood pressure, anxiety, suicidal depression, vomiting, paranoia etc) most of which result in a horrific death of uncalculated proportions.

Then I've got to put up with all the local ads, which usually involve dwarves, talking dogs and Phillip Seymour Hoffman.

And inbetween all this they manage to shove in ads for all the other shows that apparently are
also on television. I don't care about these shows. I'm not going to watch season 12 of "Spandex Poodle Cowboys", or the special surprise twist ending of "Secret Boss Soup Survivor".
I don't care who betrays Corey or which finalist will be selected on "Insane Janitor Combat".

I DO know that Ted Danson, Tom Selleck and Gary Senise need to be launched into space.
I would watch that. For about five minutes. Maybe.

Anyhoo, by the end of all this I end up looking like this:

And, yes, there are some good commercials once in a while. Animated Phillip Seymour Hoffman I can stand.
In moderation.
But mercy Maude does it have to be so difficult to sit down and enjoy 45 minutes of well-written programming that helps me to forget that I don't live on my very own starship in a distant galaxy, without being constantly reminded that I'm as much trapped on this planet as a guide editor from Betelgeuse?
>:[

Oh, did I mention I started listening to the radio?