Wendy's

So while I was writing my previous post I'd considered mentioning the Wendy's girl
(no not the one that looks like Rosie O'Donnell, the other one) but I'd thought to myself at the time with premature relief the fact that I hadn't been subjected to her obnoxious personality in the past few months.

And then of course like a coldsore in December she soon cropped back up to remind us how much we'd rather have our extremities nawed off
by a pack of rabid zombie koalas than sit through another Wendy's commercial involving this person:

Now that's better.

There's something not quite right about somebody who goes around pimping food products to anything with a pulse. I mean, there are some exceptions. For example: Bill Cosby and Jell-O.
Most people don't find him or those commercials annoying. And most people enjoy the delicious variety of flavors that Jell-O has to offer. Jell-O pudding is almost always a win-win scenario. You can't go wrong there.
I mean, I like Jell-O pudding. Do you like Jell-O pudding? Have you had it? You really should; it's great. Just ask Bill Cosby.
But, see, when we go into the spectrum of fast food, and insert somebody who isn't Bill Cosby to tempt and seduce innocent bystanders into dining at a place that may induce vomiting, well, that's just another story altogether.
This is partly due to the fact that NOBODY IN THEIR RIGHT MIND TALKS LIKE THIS.

Nobody would be so compliant to such demands, either.

What if the world were like these Wendy's
commercials? Every day. At every juncture in life. It would probably look something like this:

Fortunately, despite the state of this sad little planet, most people simply DO NOT talk this way. In reality the conversation would probably look something like this:.

And then she'd be strapped back into her jacket and wheelchaired back into her padded cell.
See, whoever came up with this advertising champaign needs to understand that there's something variably unnerving about somebody who goes around miraculously finding ways to talk about fast food. It's just wrong.

example:
"I just found out I've got 2 weeks to live."
"Bummer! Wendy's always cheers me up!"

or:
"I lost my job this afternoon. I don't know what I'm going to do."
"Wendy's dollar menu sounds like the answer to me!"

or:
"Could you please tell the jury what you were doing at the time of the murder?"
"I was enjoying the delicious variety of reasonably-priced items offered to me at my local Wendy's!"
(at which point a Wendy's bag would be pulled out and on display for the entire jury to admire)

It really is bizarre when you endeavor to spend more time than necessary contemplating the intricacies of the matter. Oh, and I don't like the new slogan either. I came up with my own slogan for Wendy's:

What do you think? Catchy, isn't it?

Oh well. I guess it won't be too long before the new Wendy's girl is convicted of something ludicrous like penguin smuggling and we all get treated to a new slew of nonsensical commercials.
I should hope they learn from their mistakes and shower us with something I wouldn't spend a better portion of my life trying to splice from my brain.

I'm more of an Arby's guy myself, but that's for another time.